People don't come to yoga to learn more about me. They come to learn more about themselves, their bodies, their spirits, their journeys, etc. It's for this reason I mostly speak in 2nd or 3rd person as I weave the theme through the class.
You might possibly know though, that almost all class themes are chosen because I need to hear myself teach them most. I'm feeling anxiety? I teach about how to find peace amidst the chaos. Insecurity? A class on strength & confidence despite imperfection. And so it goes. I truly trust Divine process & inspiration, so I know that my struggles are probably shared in some way by anyone guided to my class that day. The Universe is THAT amazing.
So I've been watching my mind lately. It's REALLY busy in there. ALL. THE. TIME. When I set the intention to see what's going on with those pesky thoughts, I am curious little Alice approaching the rabbit hole. (watch out: ANALOGY AHEAD.) Down I go... the same ol' tunnels every time. It's been the same ones for years. Less dark perhaps, smoother, straighter, I don't know. All I do know is I need a way out. A way out of the old thoughts & ideas about the world around me, myself & other people, the shoulds, the shouldn'ts, the chatter, the judgment, the attachment, the needing. AHH! Just typing them makes me anxious. But I bet you can guess what I taught about last week!
And so I step back. I step back to admire & observe my work. My working mind. I become the neutral witness, watching it all happen. The creation of thought, the patterns, the old ideas, the new ones, the synapsis firing & blazing that same damn trail again. When I become the observer, without judgment (negative OR positive), a thought arises. Whooooo thennnn (in my best mad hatter voice) is the witness? If I'm not the thinker, if I can, for a moment, watch a thought curiously to see where it ends up, without attachment, just passing by...
Whoooooo thennnnnnn am IIIIIIIIIIII ???
I am SPIRIT.
Spirit stepping outside of my relationship to thought (EGO/FEAR).
A very dear friend & spiritual mentor calls it the "She" (choose gender specific pronoun as you wish). So many have spoken about this Thinker. The Judge. The pat you on the back, kick you when you're down, better than - worse than, same ol' shit Ego monkey mind that rattles around in there all day telling you what you SHOULD do or be.
And so I step back. I practice. I watch my breath, without controlling it. I observe the sounds of the room, without attachment. I feel that quad is less flexible than it was yesterday & I hear the thoughts arise because of that... so down the rabbit hole I go, this time following behind the Thinker. Where will SHE end up? Probably that same ol' spot.
The most interesting part of this process is that I can work with my willful Ego creative monkey mind. I can use my tools :: writing. silence. stillness. yoga.... to see the patterns. I can anticipate the next turn down the tunnel & release all attachment to the outcome. (even if SHE ends up eating one of those pesky cakes that shrinks her to the point of no return through the mind's doorway)
SO! with ME as my WiTNESS, there's a separation. I (big bold magical sparkly Spirit-filled beautiful capital I) am not the perception of my reality or my thoughts, so therefore, I must be something else.
I am a Divine Soul.
And as my Soul as my Witness, It won't let me down.
Teacher, Seeker, Lover of all things interesting.